Congress Passes Bill Nobody Read, Including the Bill

A Historic Day, Allegedly

Lawmakers gathered Tuesday to approve HR-0000, a 4,400-page bill described by its own sponsor as "vibes, mostly".

"We felt it in our hearts," said Sen. Dale Brightwater, holding the bill upside down.

What's inside

• $4 billion for a national program to be named later
• A subsection that simply reads "TBD, but confidently"
• One page of clip art

Aides confirmed the bill contains a clause making it illegal to read the bill, a provision inserted at 3 a.m. by an intern who has since been promoted to Chief of Staff.

Analysts say the legislation will have sweeping effects on absolutely nothing, which economists called "the most predictable outcome in a generation."